"It's the good girls that keep the diaries; the bad girls never have the time."

~ Tallulah Bankhead (1903 - 1968)

Mind Caviar Issue 13,  2004-2005

December 18, 2004

Dear Diary,

It's 2:00 AM. Everyone in the house is sleeping. My eyelids feel heavy, yet my brain is buzzing with so much to tell you. I returned from rehearsal about an hour ago. Earlier today I felt crabby. I snorted like a monster at anyone who crossed my path. I even growled, barked, and bitched at my two small, very cute dogs. I felt as if I'd transformed into Mrs. Hyde: unapproachable and evil.

I've been so bitchy because our economy sucks, gas prices are high, cupboards are bare, and paychecks are low. Oh, how I wished money would fall from the sky like a heavy rain storm. I'd cried for hours, kicking and screaming, wishing for some kind of relief.

My angst-infested mood dissipated shortly after arriving at Danielle's apartment in the Twin Cities. Danielle was generous enough to let us use her place to rehearse for our second big burlesque show at First Avenue nightclub in Minneapolis. 

Lovely Lady M
 A self-portrait of Lady M 
Lady M Chases The Blues with Burlesque

Earlier this year, my husband and I began producing a 21st Century Burlesque Circus, Dr. Farrago's Sin-ergystic Theatre. It's been a huge responsibility, but tonight I felt it's been worth it. It wasn't until we began our rehearsal tonight that I found a little bit of peace within; sometimes even some humor. No longer did I feel so irritated, as if my dark emotions were like sharp nails scratching deeply on a blackboard. 

It was good to see everyone there. I got to kiss Sarah Holiday on her lips. Oh, my! She's a wonderful kisser. Danielle (Divinia DuBois - her burlesque name) groped my small, perky breasts and I lovingly fondled her large, succulent breasts during rehearsal. My faded blue jeans became hot and humid in the thigh area when she grinded her sex hard upon it as we practiced our show's finale number to "Freek" by George Michael. 

Jenn (Justine de Mure) looked beautiful in her short, elegant, black velvet dress and vintage black hat, practicing her burlesque number to Alannah Myles sexy song, "Black Velvet". She brought us girls a surprise. I can't tell you what it was, because it's a naughty secret. But it tasted so good, relaxed us, and even inspired us. At one point it even made me hungry. 

We all laughed so hard when I ate some of Danielle's peanut butter Girl Scout cookies, because I screamed out loud when I saw a teensy-weensy ant crawling upon one that I was just about to put in my mouth. After we stopped giggling, I wiped the ant off and took a bite. Simultaneously we again giggled, only harder, because I spit it out, frantically wiping my tongue off with my hands. I couldn't stand the thought of an ant running on that cookie. There was no way I could swallow it. We were all practically in tears holding our bellies from so much laughter. 

 Bouncing Boobies & Boy-Toys

I thought Celena St. Cyr was so damn cute bouncing her large boobies with reflex motion, up and down. Boink! Boink! I have no clue how she does that. She's talented. It's her trademark. I love when she does it! I also thought Celena looked really hot in her faded, tightly fit blue jeans. 

The girls and I pulled several pieces of rope slowly out of Boy's jeans (that's really his name--he's a cute boy-toy dancer). Next, we tied him up like a helpless submissive and carried him off our imaginary stage. I'm looking forward to performing this number on the First Avenue stage. The choreography kicks ass! 

Erin Muir, who's a beautiful female singer (http://www.everysecretthing.com), told us about how her mother asked her the other day why she always wrote about sex in her songs, which made us all giggle again. We came up with some slick dance moves to two of her songs. I get to wear black, marabou butterfly wings for our next show. I'm thrilled!

Scott, our handsome house boy, was the perfect gentleman tonight. He's been so sweet to escort my girls home after our rehearsals these past many weeks. We came up with a new skit idea for him tonight; he's even going to strip down to his boxers for this act. I think it will work well. I'm sure all the girls in the audience will love to watch him on stage. 

Everyone's presence made me feel grateful and lucky to have such good friends and performers for our show.  Wednesday is our next big show. Robert Dante and his beautiful daring assistant Tina (http://www.bullwhip.net) said they'd perform again; they also performed in our first show. Dante's assistant Tina is beautiful and so erotic as she wiggles and writhes as if performing aesthetic, choreographed art to this adept bullwhip Master's routine. I think they are truly a graceful, breathtaking act. 

The beautiful Mistress Jean (MistressJean.net and Rubberella.com) will be back from LA. She'll be performing with us as well. I can't wait to see her! I miss her very much! I don't like it when she's away doing videos, events, or photo shoots. I'm happy for her success, but I really do miss her when she goes. 

We are also going to have two wonderful bands, Albuterol (www.albuterolrocks.com), and Little Tin Box (http://www.littletinbox.com/). I am so excited and honored to have them play with us. Both of these bands are extremely talented; I really enjoy their music. 

I am also energized about the show because I get to use my new burlesque fan. It's Barbie pink. I now have three fans: one white, one pink, and one black. I remember the day when I saw Miss Bonnie Dunn (NYC Le Scandal burlesque fan dancer/owner) at Eroticon (an erotic event put on by Jamie Joy Gatto) in New Orleans a few years back. I greatly admired her talent. When I saw how beautiful she was, I wished for my own burlesque fan. I fantasized about it all the way home from New Orleans, traveling many hours via Greyhound bus. And now I own three of them! It's amazing to see my dreams materialize.

I remember, as I traveled, staring out the window of that hot, smelly bus, looking at the southern countryside, that I only imagined about being a burlesque performer; I never thought that I'd be producing my own burlesque show at First Avenue nightclub, a few short years later. It's been an amazing adventure, one that makes me feel rich, even when my bank account says otherwise. 

Well I need to get some sleep. I have a big day tomorrow scheduling acts. 


Submissively yours,

Lady M

AKA Mia Malone (that's my burlesque stage name)

Copyright © 2003 Lady M. All Rights Reserved. Do not copy or post in whole or in part. All photos are copyright © 2003 Lady M. All Rights Reserved. Do not copy or post in whole or in part.

Lovely Lady M Lady M is Mind Caviar's exclusive real-life sexual submissive, performer, columnist and pin-up. The chronicles of her sexual adventures, BDSM experiences, as well as her performances at Ground Zero, a fetish club in Minnesota, will be posted here for your titillation and voyeuristic amusement on a quarterly basis. 

Lady M continues her amazing tell-all diaries which transport us to her world as a BDSM sexual submissive and performance artist for Mistress Jean, and as a loving slave to her lifemate and husband, Sir Charles.

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