Mind Caviar
"Even her eyelashes acted."

~Virginia Woolf (1947)

Mind Caviar, Vol. 3 Fall Issue, 2002

Aldonza is a Diva Aldonza The Diva

Aldonza is also a rock starlet, a stage performer and a collector of toys, dolls and drag queen memorabilia. She loves make-up and cheap jewelry, the gawdier the better. She was once a hippie and a go-go girl and got a fab tattoo before it was a chic thing to do. 

Now she rules over the tackiest page Mind Caviar has to offer. Eat it up, baby! Step inside a Diva's shopping bag to see what see wants, what she hates, what she craves. She rates it right here at Mind Caviar and what Aldonza says goes! (Look at the bottom of the page to see her wacky rating scale.) 

The Beautician of Oz

The Beautician of Oz is my part I won in the Wizard of Oz play for which I recently auditioned. How perfect is that? I now get to play Oz games for months during rehearsals and wear a goofy, colorful costume. I even get to primp Dorothy (or Scarecrow, or Lion, or Tin-guy). I will forever have BEAUTICIAN OF OZ as part of my life resume. I'm so happy and excited!! I went looking for weird Wizard of Oz sites to share with y'all to get you in an "Over the Rainbow" mood.

Of course, I found something to buy: a book called The Emerald Burrito of Oz. From what I gather, it's about a bunch of odd wackos (my favorite book characters) in someplace like Monterey California, and it's an Oz-like parody. Go to the book's site to find out more and read some enthusiastic reviews that will for sure make you buy it, too. 

The Emerald Burrito of Oz
click to learn more 
about the book
I'm reading The Emerald Burrito of Oz right now. The title is also the name of a Mexican restaurant in OZ, where, in the year 2007, anyone who passes certain tests can visit because the portal has been discovered between Earth and Oz. One girl who moved to Oz from L.A. is a waitress there and had the only existing CD player in Oz. She only had headphones for it, but this guy she likes builds speakers out of Oz coconuts. Now they're in the restaurant and the Ozians are listening to this:
Before the day was done, I played "St. Alphonso's Pancake Breakfast". I played luscious Jeff Buckley and righteous Rev. Horton Heat. I played psychotic Thrill Kill Kult, spritely Cindi Lee Berryhill, and the red-hot sounds of Dizzy Gillespie, plus a little Latin Playboys and Debussy on the side while half of Emerald City tried to pack its way inside our doors.
This is such a fun book!

Crazy Oz Tidbits

The Wonderful Wizard of Oz
click to learn more 
about the movie
I remember hearing something about a scene in The Wizard of Oz movie where back in the woods, behind Dorothy and company, you can just barely see the hanging body of the MUNCHKIN SUICIDE!!! The rumour was that unrequited love drove the little guy to end it all... Bullshit? Not Bullshit?... you decide. 

Then, of course, there's the famous Pink Floyd Dark Side of the Moon/Wizard of Oz syncronicity experience. This IS very cool, if you've never done it you MUST try it. To find out more about what this is and how to do it go to this site. Groovy to the Max.

Mom said she'd make me this meal from this site. "Over the Rainbow Macaroni and Cheese" is a recipe from super-diva Patti LaBelle-- she is one of my idols. "I Wish I Had a Heart Artichoke Nibbles" sound yummy... go look... and cook. Then write me to tell me how delicious it came out.

Pink Floyd and Wizard of Oz syncronize
Album cover for Pink Floyd's 
"Dark Side of the Moon"
  I copied this from some weird news site:

"The 10-year-old African Gray parrot repeatedly screams: "I'll get you, my pretty, and your little dog, too!" a line taken from the Wizard of Oz. Weird, but true."

I had to do a parrot's voice right here in my little computer room to get the effect. You do it, too. Actually, the Wicked Witch of the West in the movie already sounds like a parrot, if you ask me.

Wish me luck in my new part... I will keep you posted. 

Chelvis A Humble Retraction from Aldonza The Diva to
The King of Wok and Roll!

The Diva wishes to state that Chelvis, the Chinese Elvis had his people write my people stating the fact that in my last review, I gave the site two crowns instead of three because I couldn't buy Chelvis merchandise. They want me to know that I was wrong, and gorgeous Chelvis memorabilia is available here.

I am ordering a coffee mug immediately and I am really sorry, Oh Asian King of Rock... I kowtow deeply to you. I humbly offer three crowns to you and your Web site, Chelvis.

The Neon Rain
A Novel by James Lee Burke
Publisher: Pocket Books 
ISBN: 0671756443
Reissue: 1992

I discovered a Cajun detective named Dave Robichaux recently and I am now going through the whole series. The mysteries are by James Lee Burke and the first of twelve is The Neon Rain. I just read in Book magazine that James Lee Burke is called the Faulkner of Crime novels. High praise!

Neon Rain Reviewed by Aldonza
click to learn more 
about the book
Burke's character Robichaux is damaged yet noble. Don't you just love guys like that? When you read this book you'll want to feel Robichaux's outrage and share his pain. He's weathered and mysterious and tough-- and on my list of fictional characters I would have sex with.

I CRAVE New Orleans and the atmosphere of the city. Burke writes of the surrounding bayou towns near New Orleans so well that you can smell, taste and hear the atmosphere. I love it when I can see wonderfully described scenes in my mind's eye. Warning: these books are graphically violent, but I think that only plunges you head first into the real world of crime and murder. Why soften the blow?

I'm remembering a quote by Robichaux from Cadillac Jukebox, another book in Burke's series: "His eyes were so intense they reminded me of sweat bees pressed against glass." I LOVE THAT! 

Three crowns for James Lee Burke's creation.

 Aldonza's Measures:

crowncrowncrown= Flawless, Fabulous Product. 

crowncrown = Very Good; I'd Recommend It To a Friend. 

crown = Decent but Flawed. Some Shortcomings. 

air freshener = This Stinks!

Stuff Aldonza's E-Box with Fan Mail: Click Here!

Copyright © 2002 Aldonza. All Rights Reserved. Do not copy or post in whole or in part.

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