Mind Caviar
"Coffee was a food in that house, not a drink."

~ Patricia Hampl (1981)

Mind Caviar, Vol. 4 Annual Issue, 2003

Mz. Conduct's Killer Coffee
by Kim Alvarez

It was a dreary, dark morning and I shouldn’t have been up so early, but I was.  I had a mission. The previous evening I had met an extremely Pretty Boy at a rockabilly rally in the art district of old town.  He was showing some artwork and I had been admiring it (as well as him) with a vengeance.  Pretty Boy made me promise I’d sashay my svelte ass into the bar where he worked, first thing the next morning.  I explained that mornings were usually out of the question, but I would seriously try… for him. He said he would make it worth my while.

So, late morning upon me, I slip in to the oh- too-cheerfully lit cocktail lounge, wearing a frilly, little, red retro dress with little martini glasses sewn in the collar.

Bottom's Up!
Our eyes met and big smiles ran across our faces. He looked even better in the morning!  Pretty Boy slid a drink down the chrome-plated bar, winked and told me it was just for me.  He said it would warm me, wake me, and kick me back to bed, all in one swig.  Oh yeah, baby, that it did.  And when I ended up back in bed, I had Pretty Boy with me.

How to Do It, Baby

Serve in an Irish Coffee mug: 

2 oz. Black Velvet
2oz. Caroline’s Irish Cream
Coffee to fill the glass
Dollop of whipped cream
Cinnamon sprinkles
Cheers and Bottoms Up, Baby!

~Mz. Conduct

Copyright © 2003 Kim Alvarez. All Rights Reserved. Do not copy or post in whole or in part.
Cool Retro Graphics Copyright © 2003 Kim Alvarez. All Rights Reserved. Do not copy or post in whole or in part. 

Kim Alvarez is a saucy little sex advice columnist whose column, Mz. Conduct's House Of Sin appears monthly in SFX men's magazine. She published a zine called the Gutter Rag for several years and her erotica flash fiction and poetry have appeared at Brilliant Smut and Clean Sheets as well as Girlphoria and Venus or Vixen? She's written an article on animal abuse for Out of Bounds magazine, political reviews for Portland's Alliance newspaper, an art op-ed piece for The Chicago Tribune and Curio magazine. Mz. Kimi, as she so adoringly is called, is a garden goddess, weight room enthusiast, martini shaker collector, animal rescuer, bad girl extraordinaire and the mother you were warned about. Visit Mz. Conduct at her new Web site.

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