"Before choosing your hotel, order a martini cocktail at the bar.
Then, you'll know if the hotel is good enough for you..."
Mind Caviar, Vol. 3 Anniversary Issue, 2002
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Mz. Conduct's MMMartini
by Kim Alvarez
Oh my, that young boy mowing the lawn looks like he may be thirsty. All that sinewy, sweaty, straining going on, his tautness teasing my imagination to no end!
I will put down the book -- which I'm not succeeding in reading anyway -- and whip up a beverage!
I get down the circa 1938, cut glass, red topped, martini shaker. You can use a reasonable facsimile of course. Cut a slim chunk of a fresh Meyer lemon and run it all over the inside of the shaker, squeezing slightly as you go. Toss the lemon rind in the shaker and open up the Sapphire Gin. Oh baby, come to mama. Pour about half a bottle in the shaker and add crushed ice to galore.
Take the seriously large martini glasses and pour a capful of good Vermouth (this makes a huge difference) in each glass. Roll it around in the glass until the entire insides are coated and wet, sort of like my thighs when I gaze at that lawnboy, then throw it down the sink, just like the goddess, Auntie Mame did.
Holding firmly to the bottom and the cap, shake that martini shaker vigorously, like you haven't had an aerobic class in seventeen years (never mind how accurate that is). Shake shake, shake that bootie, honey. Now open the top and straining the ice through a silver strainer. The plastic ones are sort of white trash, so it depends on your mood. Pour carefully into the wet, awaiting glass.
Take a colorful pick, perhaps the miniature penis pick or a fuchsia flamingo, and skewer three enormous Spanish olives. You can also stab a few of the vermouth soaked olives as well. For variety sakes and loins on the make, try different types of olives from time to time. The olives stuffed with pimentos that are bigger than your eyeball are yummy or the jalapeno filled ones add a zip to the tastebuds and an unzip to the mood. Toss those in the glasses and voila!
Hike up that sundress and give a whistle to that parched and lonely lawnboy. Or if, while you were whipping up the beverages, he finished and went home, drink up sweetie and plan better next time. Or wait, here comes that neighbor boy, he's in high school now, isn't he?
Cheers and bottoms up, baby!
© 2002 Kim Alvarez. All Rights Reserved. Do not copy or post in whole
or in part.
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