Mind Caviar

"Britt ate lots of chocolate, but never got fat--
a sure sign of demonic posession."

~ Erica Jong (1977)

Mind Caviar, Vol. 2 Summer Issue, 2001

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photo. Just Desserts!
by Jamie Joy Gatto

Ok- so I'm now permanently filling in for Alfred Richard. He's just too busy to be a sexy food columnist, but he's still a great cook and a sexy guy. But, hey! I started this magazine simply because of my sheer love of food, sex, literature and art.  As a former professional chef and caterer, you may consider yourself in good hands. I promise I'll only give you my very best original recipes, too.

Plus-- you'll get a sexy food tip with every column. Aint that sweet? Learn how Reddi Whip makes a great sex toy. Scroll to the bottom of the page if you're not into cooking, but just like to eat and have sex while you're doing it.

And if you happen to dribble a little cake batter on your chin as you eat gobs of it from the bowl, while cooking, I'll not only NOT chastise you for doing it, but I'll applaud you. Now go have some fun playing with your food!



The following recipe is for a chocolate dessert that starts out with a boxed mix, adds canned pumpkin and still tastes like the hand of Goddess intervened somewhere in the mix. You HAVE to try this at home. It's really That Good. I almost hesitate to make it sometimes, because I'll eat the damn thing in one day. Possibly at one sitting. 

Black Velvet Cake with Cinnamon Cream
Is it the Devil's Food? You decide!

Ingredients

1 box quality dark chocolate/devil's food cake mix
1 stick unsalted butter melted
4 small squares quality unsweetened baking chocolate melted
1/3 cup whole milk
1 TBS Mexican vanillla (yes, really a Tablespoon, and if you can't find Mexican vanilla, at least use real stuff)
1 can Libby's Pumpkin
1/2 cup confectioner's sugar
4 large brown eggs, lightly beaten

Garnish

Whipping Cream
Granulated Sugar 
Cinnamon to taste
Mandarin orange slices, preferably fresh but canned will do

Method

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

2. Mix all ingredients (except Whipping Cream, Granulated Sugar, Cinnamon) together in a large bowl by hand with a wire whip until just blended. Do not mix with an electric mixer. Mixture will be thick and sticky, kind of like Brownie batter.

3. Pour into a 13X9 baking pan that has been lined with waxed paper. (Turn pan over and cut wax paper to fit bottom of pan, then insert) Do not grease pan.

4. Bake 40-45 minutes. A toothpick inserted will still be moist when done. If using a deeper pan, cook up to 60 minutes.

5. Carefully and using an oven mitt for heat protection, invert hot pan with cake in it carefully onto a cookie sheet which has been covered in a sheet of wax paper. Careful of the steam! Lift up the hot pan and peel back wax paper from the cake bottom (which is now on top). Place wax paper back upon the cake bottom and cover cake with the hot pan until it cools.

6. Once cooled, after an hour or more, (touch pan to see) Transfer whole cake to serving plate and serve individual slices with fresh whipped cream sprinkled with cinnamon-sugar, garnished with Mandarin orange slices.
 

How to Whip Cream

In a medium bowl, (preferably metal) beat 1/2 cup heavy cream at medium speed with an electric mixer. As cream begins to thicken, add 2 TBS granulated sugar. Whip until stiff. Refrigerate. 

Mix cinnamon and sugar together in a small bowl. Sprinkle cinnamon-sugar to taste over whipped cream on top of each serving of Black Velvet cake.

Here's a Sexy Food Tip

If you want to play whipped cream games with lovers, save the real whipped cream for eating, and use the "fake" Reddi Whip Non-Dairy or Cool Whip for sex play. Why? Real whipped cream is a dairy product which sours very easily. Body temperatures are too warm to maintain the freshness and integrity of the cream, so not only does it go bad easily, it runs and turns to a liquid, milky texture almost immediately. Sour milk is disgusting smelling. You won't be feeling too sexy when you or your lover starts to smell rancid. Use the fake stuff. It might not taste as luscious, but it has the perfect creamy texture for edible body paint-- simply perfect to nibble off nipples!

Copyright © 2001 Jamie Joy Gatto. All rights reserved. Do not copy or post.


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