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Lady M is Mind Caviar's exclusive real-life sexual submissive, performer, columnist and pin-up. The chronicles of her sexual adventures, as well as her performances at Ground Zero, a fetish club in Minnesota, will be posted here for your titillation and voyeuristic amusement on a quarterly basis. Lady M continues her amazing tell-all diaries which transport us to her world as a sexual submissive and performance artist.

This issue's Diaries kick-off with an ode to the magic of Drag Queens. Of course they contain a Lady M's latest adventures at Ground Zero which inspired her to write a fun fictional account she calls "Hexed"-- a naughty Barbie story published here for your amusement.

"How to Be a Woman 101"
(As Taught by Drag Queens)

by Lady M

A few years ago I couldn't find the ability to look beyond what society refers to as "sexually normal." I didn't possess the tolerance to accept that others didn't live in our so-called, "normal" world.  I know that sounds unusual coming from a bisexual submissive performance artist, erotica writer and pin-up, but I wasn't always so sexually open and aware as I am today.

Lady M
It's too bad, because I have been missing something spectacular. For the past few months I've been enjoying Minneapolis' Gay 90's "La Femme" Drag Queen show.

For many hours I've studied the way each of the queens artfully portray a beautiful, sexy, confident woman. I've carefully observed the way they walk, their glamorous make-up styles, and how they seduce the crowd with their feminine charms. These incredible artists have carefully studied the female species and have transcended their knowledge, molding it into a high art form. The performers have exhibited to me how to use my own sexual power and how to enhance my womanly essence.

I find myself looking forward to Sunday nights, the evening I regularly watch the sexy girls of "La Femme." I gasp with excitement each time I see their creative costumes. My eyes sparkle with thrill whenever the queens creatively project themselves on stage. I shiver from the way they dance and lip sync to popular dance songs; I lust when I see their glamorous shoes. Each week I save my crisp, one dollar bills so that I can tip each queen and receive one of their gratified kisses, regardless of the layers of lipstick they smear on my cheeks. For hours I smile like a little girl who's Daddy has taken her to see her favorite fairy-tale play.

I cannot say I enjoy watching one girl more than the other. How do you compare a DaVinci masterpiece to a Monét? You don't. You appreciate them both for their uniqueness and great beauty. I love all of the "La Femme," girls. Let me introduce these amazing women to you. 

Monica West generally acts as MC and tickles me with her humor. 

Camille Collins, "Elegant Show Girl of the North" has been with the show the longest. I would absolutely die to play dress-up in her closet and to learn to balance all her gorgeous head pieces upon my head. 

Ty Curia is a tall, svelte performer who sizzles with sexual attitude. 

Delicious is the sex kitten of "La Femme." All I can say is MIAOW! I do whatever I can to capture her high energy dance moves in my mind whenever I watch her perform. 

Beautiful BB: she's so fucking cute and animated.

Ashley Brown amazes me with her comedic improvisation. I sometimes find myself wiping tears from my eyes because I'm laughing so hard at her antics.

CC Russell. Oh my God! She's a black beauty and so hot. I burn with fever whenever she kisses me. If Whitney Houston was to ever die, CC would be in great trouble, because heartbroken Whitney fans would be groveling at her heels even more so than they already do. 

Roxy Marquis, there's the bad ass of "La Femme". She's exquisite, diabolic, and extremely sensuous. I squeal with lust each time she performs on stage and I feel almost dizzy when she's done.

Nina D'angelou is a woman of class, style, beauty and art. Oh Man, she makes me feel like a woman! I love her doe-like eyes and classic poise. She's been chosen as a contestant in the Miss Gay USA pageant. She's also invited Mistress Jean and I to be a part of her dance team in Texas this coming Spring. Oh my God, I can't wait! 

Look out ladies! There's the sexy and handsome Drag King, Joshua. I have to fan myself between the legs each time he's on stage. I swear every well-dressed black man in the Twin Cities resents him for buying out their wardrobe. This is one fine gentleman. He's a player and loves the attention of all of the pretty ladies. I'd like him to be my sweet Sugar Daddy.

And last but not least, there's Maxi!!! Maxi makes my panties wet! Mmmmmm, she's so hot when she wears her waitress outfit. She can serve me anytime. I'd like to eat what's on her plate.

Those are the girls of "La Femme." They perform in Minneapolis at the long established, well-known venue, The Gay 90's. These Drag Queens and their show producer are brilliant, creative, humorous, and soooooooo fucking sexy! Thank you girls for opening my mind, and for teaching me how to better use my female charms. Thank you for teaching me how to walk sexily, how to artfully apply my make-up, how to wear a hair piece, and how to design an outfit. I love you! You just don't know how much you've enhanced my life and my stage life.

Ground Zero Diary Entry
July 22, 2001 
Dear Diary, 

Mmmmm, what a night! I was getting ready for my night at Ground Zero, putting on my sexy outfit in the dressing room. Just as I was finishing up, Slave Nathan and Mistress Jean entered. A shiver of apprehension traveled down my spine when Mistress Jean stopped me with a wild-eyed stare, "Miss Mia! Why did you possess Nathan?"

"Oh shit!" I gasped to myself wondering what the slave boys were now blaming on me. I swear sometimes I feel like the bad kitty who's been thrown amongst dogs. 

"Possessed?" I naively asked. I honestly didn't have a clue as to what she was talking about.

"Don't stare at me like you don't know what I'm talking about," Mistress Jean chided. I could barely look her in the eyes. "Nathan said you possessed him, and that's why he's been so naughty lately. Is this true?"

I didn't know what to say. I stood there in awed silence pondering my response. "Those boys are always getting me in trouble!" I exhaled with frustration and stomped my feet like a stubborn brat. "I didn't do anything. Nathan's a liar! Liar! Liar! Liar!"

I strutted passed both Slave Nathan and Mistress Jean. As I tried to exit the dressing room, Mistress Jean's suitcase suddenly spilled all over the dressing room floor. Immediately Nathan blamed the event on me. Before I could escape, Mistress Jean commanded me to sit down on one of the old, beat-up chairs near the wall. Impatient and frustrated as the DJ played one of my favorite songs, I sat there fuming. Finally, after ten minutes, Mistress Jean let me go, though still scolding me for spilling her suitcase and for possessing Nathan.

I danced for an hour before Slave David came to ready me then to bring me to the upstairs stage. He placed a silver chain leash and black leather collar around my neck, and brought me to my Mistress. My stomach flip-flopped with nervousness up each step. My knees felt wobbly when I finally made it to Mistress Jean's chair. Slave Lincoln quickly confined my hands inside Mistress Jean's familiar leather mitts, then he secured me to the eyelets in the ceiling, my ass jutting towards the crowd. While Mistress Jean teased, taunted, and toyed with my vulnerable body, she continued to verbally torment me about possessing Nathan and spilling the contents in her suitcase. Nathan had "Nancy", Mistress Jean's mahogany spanking paddle, in his hands as he teased me from afar, acting like a bratty boy. I giggled with a huge smile plastered on my face from this fun scenario, even though I was feeling so frustrated for being blamed for something I didn't do. I could tell Mistress Jean was having fun taunting me with her false accusations. When my punishment was finally over, I had to apologize to Nathan and I was made to kiss his gross tennis shoe. Before Mistress Jean excused me and told me to go play, I wiped my lips with my hands with disgust hoping to get the yucky flavor off.

Afterwards, I went downstairs. Suddenly I saw three of the other dancers/performers, Don, Mary, and George. They were seductively playing on a round blue bed, which spun in slow circles on the stage. With a lustful walk I hungrily strutted towards them. Mmmmm, Mary looked sweet helplessly tied to the trapeze bar above the bed. I pawed and licked her creamy, white skin as if was hungrily consuming a sweet vanilla ice cream cone while she hung so pretty, and so vulnerable. Her body writhed with each erotic sensation I instilled. George and Don played with each other nearby and sometimes stopped to grope my body or Mary's. When all four of us were finished grappling and stroking one another, I anxiously went back to dancing on the cat walk.

Near the end of the evening I was still lost in another world dancing happily on the catwalk. My heart swooned when I saw Mistress Jean's beautiful body elegantly stride up the cast-iron steps towards me. My heart, fast with excitement, stirred my naughtiness. I wanted to touch her like I do the other dancers, and to play with her like a cat would a ball of yarn. However, I remembered my place as her submissive, and I didn't dare ever touch her unless I had her permission. She stood behind me with her lean, graceful back against the wooden St. Andrew's cross. My knees weak, I continued to dance with my back toward her and my face to the crowd. Every once in awhile I'd make a naughty face or stick out my tongue, playing the role of the incorrigible child, hoping to get away with misbehaving. I got my pussy lightly spanked for doing so, which only made me purr like a cat does when scratched behind the ears. Mistress Jean and I finished our evening playing on the catwalk. I went home with a huge smile that evening, grateful for the fun events.

Diary Entry
July 23rd, 2001

Dear Diary, 

I awoke this morning still smiling, thinking about how Nathan had blamed me for his bad behavior by "possessing him." One of the last things I said to him was, "Paybacks are a bitch." And then I giggled. This morning I pondered how I was going to seek revenge. Immediately this fictional story below came to mind and my fingers tapped the keyboard.

photo copyright © 2001 David Gustafson. All rights reserved. Do not copy or post.

by Lady M

It was one o'clock in the afternoon and I was feeling so very naughty-- like trouble with a capital "T." I was supposed to be taking a nap as my husband and were going to go out later that night. However, I wasn't tired yet, but grinning with pure evilness as I pulled my old Ken doll from my cedar chest, which rests at the foot of my queen-size bed. For quite a few weeks, three of Mistress Jean's boy slaves have been picking on me, making up silly lies, and putting me in precarious predicaments with my Mistress. Those boys love to get me in trouble, and will go to many lengths to do so. 

Last night, Nathan, a cute, blonde boy-toy spilled Mistress Jean's suitcase when he entered the dressing room at Ground Zero. Immediately he blamed it on me, just because I was nearby when the contents spilled all over the carpet. So now it's revenge from a distance. I've decided to place a wicked spell on Nathan, although, I have to be careful not to get caught because I'd hate to get into more trouble than I already have.

"Hehehehe," I chuckled ruthlessly aloud, squeezing the hell out of Ken's plastic body, imagining the doll to actually be Nathan. "You naughty, little brat," I scowled. 

Soon I started by shaving Ken's dark head of hair bald. Afterwards, I colored the plastic head with a yellow magic marker, so that Ken would resemble Mistress Jean's blonde boy-toy. 

"I told you I'd eventually get you back for all the trouble you've gotten me into. I can't wait to play with my dolly." I teased, taunted, and talked to the Ken-turned-Nathan doll. I amused myself by dressing him in a pair of long, navy blue shorts, shiny, silver-black sneakers, and an orange T-shirt. I tormented him about not having a penis, tied him up with pink ribbon, securing his hands to his thighs, and rested him on my pillow, face up.

"Where's that Barbie?" I dug through the cedar chest again. "Oh there you are… come here, honey. " I kissed Barbie's nose after retrieving her from under a handmade quilt.

"Hmmm, you need a make-over. " I squealed while cutting Barbie's long, blonde hair to her shoulders, creating a Cleopatra-style hairdo. I colored her platinum blonde strands with a permanent black marker, so she'd perfectly resemble my Mistress Jean. Next, I stripped Barbie from her sexy, glamour gown. Then, I held her gently in my hands, revering the doll as if it really was my Mistress. I only wished the perfect dolly had nipples! 

I carefully dressed her in a little, hot-pink thong, a matching bra, and a beautiful, itty - bitty, slick black, vinyl corset. I even put a miniature-sized, wooden paddle in the doll's right hand. Oh my… she looked beautiful!

The Nathan doll remained on my pillow tied and vulnerable as I continued to adore the Mistress Jean doll with kisses galore, knowing that he was observing the whole thing. I could tell within my wicked, tainted mind that he was getting jealous, as well as horny due to all the attention I lavished onto the newly improved Barbie. 

I lit a tall candle on my night stand in order to create a more magical mood. Gingerly I removed the pink ribbon from the Nathan doll. Soon, I had Nathan in my left hand and Mistress Jean in my right. They were facing each other, only I situated it so that Mistress Jean hovered tall over Nathan.

"Nathan, be good, " I pretended in Mistress Jean's voice, giggling every once in awhile at my attempts. "Be good or I'll get Nancy! You LOVE Nancy!!" (For those who are unfamiliar with Nancy, she's Mistress Jean's name for a thick, piece of solid mahogany. She's Mistress Jean's best friend and her most painful spanking paddle.)

"No, Mistress Jean, " I mimicked Nathan's voice, adding shrill fear and moving the doll's head in the "no" direction. "Please not Nancy!"

"Yes, Nancy!" I hovered the Mistress Jean doll even higher above the Nathan doll.

Now it was time to get Nathan in so much trouble. I giggled out loud, my bedroom echoing with the evil of revenge. Soon I forced Nathan's hands to spank Mistress Jean's behind several times. I wanted to make sure he'd experience her wrath for being so naughty. I wished the spell would actually work, and wondered if it might. I laughed even harder when I envisioned how big Mistress Jean's eyes would get if the spell did take, she being shocked by Nathan's incorrigible behavior. I did the happy dance on my bed, a form of tribal ceremony, as I continued to make the Nathan doll misbehave with more uncontrollable spankings to and forced mocking of Mistress Jean.

"Nathan, what's got into you tonight?" I scolded again, still impersonating Mistress Jean, and holding the two dolls in each hand.

"Mia made me do it!" I mirrored Nathan's voice again, protesting his innocence. "It was Mia."

"Liar, " I whispered like a spiteful brat into the Nathan doll's ear, "careful, or I'll get a hot needle."

Once again I laughed like a psycho in a strait jacket. I was having so much fun! Suddenly I heard my husband's footsteps climb the stairs and head towards our bedroom. Playtime for Mia was over. Quickly I tossed the two dolls into the cedar chest and blew out the candle before my Dom/husband entered.

"What are you up to?" he asked as if he knew I'd been misbehaving. I loved that stern fatherly look which glinted in his green eyes.

"Nothing, " I replied with innocence, batting my dark brown eyes at him. I hoped he wouldn't see the piles of Ken and Barbie hair, which remained in a messy, little mound behind me on the bedspread.

"How come I don't believe you?" he asked.

"Honest, Daddy… I've been a good girl." (I love to call him "Daddy"… especially when I've been so bad.)

"You're suppose to be taking a nap. Next time I come up here you'd better be asleep."

I sighed with relief when he finally left me alone, shutting the door behind him. Quickly I cleaned up the little mound of doll hair and hid it. I rested my head on my pillow, giggling about my afternoon playtime. Soon, I drifted off to sleep with a satisfied smile. I dreamt about Nathan being punished by Mistress Jean for his attempts at spanking her. 

Mmmm, revenge is so sweet!

I wish I had forever to tell you about all my sexy adventures at Ground Zero with Mistress Jean and all her boy-toys. I absolutely LOVE being a dancer and performance submissive there! Ground Zero is like my second home.

Until then,

I'm submissively yours,

~ Lady M

"The Diaries of Lady M" Copyright © 2001 Lady M. All rights reserved. Do not copy or post.
Art work "Exposed" and all photos on this page copyright © 2001 Mia Jennings. All rights reserved. Do not copy or post.

The Diaries of Lady M are to be continued...

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