Mind Caviar Reviews

I am sitting in the smallest room of my house. 
I have your review before me. 
In a moment it shall be behind me.

--Max Reger (letter to critic Rudolph Louis, 1906)

Mind Caviar, Vol. I Spring Issue, 2000

Rant & Rave Reviews
by Aldonza

Trailer Trash Drag Queen Fashion Dollcrowncrown

"He'll be the best girlfriend you ever had. You two can hit the stores and buy up every sequin in sight, " promised the back end of my new "Drag Queen" doll package. So, "Misty" and I hit the mall hard. I sat her on top of a pile of beaded cashmere twin sets and her hard plastic bottom vibrated with "The Shining." I swore I heard a low growl coming from her perfectly-lined lips..."EMYUB...EMYUB!" 

Gaze upon her gaudiest, loveliest beauty at trailertrashdoll.com ( I bought the one so desperately yearning for a Seven Year Itch) and remember the Drag Queen credo: "The higher the hair, the closer to God."

I award "Misty" two crowns 'cause she has no Cha-Cha Heels!!! Since she leads a double life as "Barbie's Beard Ken", she has big flat feet and they are bare. Please e-mail Aldonza The Goddess suggestions for turning a Ken shoe to something fabulous for "Misty."




Jayne Mansfield Paper Dolliecrowncrowncrown
 

"Jayne used to carry her dog between her breasts when she went to parties. If anyone tried to pet it (or her breasts) the dog would bite and Jayne would yelp with laughter." 
--Mamie Van Doren

Lagniappe find!! Get a sharp pair of scissors, Children, and prepare to fondle Jayne. Click on "start from scratch" and watch Jayne show her stuff!  Download and print yours today. Dont forget to thank Aldonza for pointing you to the tackiest stuff on the net.
 




The Haunted Painting Ebay Auction crown
 

Only one crown cause it scared Violet, Jamie Joy and me half to Death, Children!!!

This is the weirdest and most disturbing item I found on Ebay this week. You've got to see it to believe it. Seems the "Sister of the Corn" came alive in this painting and tried to kill her brother with her Easy-Bake Bunsen Burner. Made my pretty head twirl all the way around! 

Write me with your impressions and perhaps an exorcism chant. May I suggest?

"Be Gone You Moppet from Hell ! ! !"

Click here to view the haunted painting, but I'm warning you, it aint pretty! Neither Mind Caviar nor Aldonza the Diva takes any responsibility for any distress caused by viewing this horrific art. Then, if you can ever get over it, check out the other weird Ebay sites collected by Whattheheck.com.

Copyright © 2000 Aldonza. All rights reserved.



Aldonza's Measures:

crowncrowncrown = Flawless, Fabulous Product. 

crowncrown = Very Good, I'd Recommend It To a Friend. 

crown = Decent but Flawed. Some Shortcomings. 

air freshener = This Stinks! 

Got A Review Idea? Send it to Aldonza


Speaking of Hell... How's The Weather Down There?

The Weather in Hell
 

Now you can check back each day, right here for a brand new, daily hades weather report.



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