Jamie Joy Gatto is a New Orleans writer, sex educator, and bisexual advocate whose sex columns appear on-line at CleanSheets, Scarlet Letters, and suspect thoughts: a journal of subversive writing. Her fiction has appeared in Black Sheets, Best Bisexual Erotica 2000, The Unmade Bed, and many other publications. She loves to create psychological work, often creating characters on the brink of emotional breakthrough. Jamie Joy has just completed her first collection of erotic tragedies, Melpomene in Ecstasy: Stories of Sex, Death and Loss.
The following short short made its debut in CleanSheets, July 2000.
I eat a plum, I think of
him. The black, blue-frosted fruit feels full in my hands, cool. The ridge
dividing it speaks to me of the delicate split between his heavy, shaved
balls. I can feel that ridge, remember the lines with my tongue, find the
place in my mind where the tactile sensations of his sex are etched within
me. I did not remember it so exactly until now, holding this
I miss him. His scent and
the way his whispers so near my lips are filled with the perfume of his
mouth. And how the curl of his lips is so silly it always makes me smile.
And how whatever he says won't matter if I'm looking at that curve, because
once I catch that part of his smile, my mind locks into it and a little
of me dies. I die happy. I go to heaven. I wake up, and
I scrape the dark, shiny surface of the fruit with my teeth and puncture the taut walls with my incisors. The yellow pulp, juicy and tart, fills my mouth with wetness and cold syrupy liquid. I feel his come fill my mouth, bitter in hot, little spurts. I hear him moan. I hear his sort of sob. He always sounds as if he is crying when he comes. And I cry thinking of it. One happy little tear rolls down my face and joins in with the juice which seeps at the corner of my mouth, the taste of salt lost to the oh so sweet. The taste of him so much greater than the taste of me.
When I'm with him, it's never enough. If I come I want to come again. If I see him, I want to see him again. When I'm near him, I want to be nearer. I want to be inside him when he is inside me. I want to have a cock so I can fill his holes with my appendage, fill him up with a part of me. Make him want me like I want him. Make him long for me.
When he suckles my breast, I want to feed him mother's milk, to nourish his soul, to make him be my baby, to keep him near me. Where is he tonight? Where is this man? This everyman whom I miss every minute I do not have him near me. Just one man. One man of many. I love him. I think I love him. I think I love him more than the last one. More than the last one I needed so much.
I hate him. I am still hungry after I finish the fruit. I gnaw at the seed. The last of the pulp sticks greedily to it, not quite ready to feed me, but ready to feed the earth, to make more plum trees. It's never enough for me. Just one plum. One plum of many. One is never enough for me. As soon as it's begun, it is finished.
I eat a plum and think of him.
Copyright © 2000 Jamie
Joy Gatto. All rights reserved.
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